Monday, October 28, 2002
Treasure on the subway platform
A couple of weeks ago I was having one of those days when I was completely absorbed in my own thoughts, just going about my own business. I don't recall what I was thinking about, but a bomb could have gone off next to me and I might not have even noticed. As I stood there, something did catch my eye about 3 feet away on the platform. It was a small, black clip made of plastic. To most people on the platform, it was just another piece of subway jetsam...to me, it was an indescribable treasure because it is something irreplaceable. I looked around. No one else seemed to have yet noticed my little treasure sitting all alone, waiting to be saved. So I moved toward it, a little bit of excitement about finding this thing but also a little nervousness about the possibility that someone might see me picking it up and say, "Hey, that's mine...I didn't realize I dropped it." So I bent down, and snatched it up with one swift movement, depositing it safely in my jacket pocket. I quickly looked around to see if anyone had noticed. No one had. I smiled to myself because of my good fortune.
You may be wondering, what is this little piece of plastic that Mike is going on about? What function does it serve? Why is it bringing him such joy? Well, at this point in my little story, we are about to separate the urban dwellers from the suburban dwellers. More specifically, we will separate those of us who live in cities where cars just aren't an option from those of us that have a car whether urban-dwelling or not. Many of you will know what a wire cart is, some of you will not. It is a fold-away two-wheeled cart that helps those of us without a car with our tasks of laundry, grocery hauling and trudging to HomeDepot. They are ubiquitous in New York, more often than not sported by elderly women, but also quite practical for the rest of us who can get over the negative image they portray (they are NOT even mildly fashionable...although actually somewhat pricey). Anyway, the beauty of these things is that they act as a car's trunk would to the automotive set - you throw things in it that you need to drag around with you. They are lightweight, they are sturdy and they fold away to take up very little room in the very small apartments that most of us in New York have to live in. Unfortunately, unlike bicycles, there are no parts stores for wire, wheel-y carts. If your wheel comes loose, or you need a new handle grip, or anything like that, there is no where to go for repairs. This brings me to my little plastic clip, lost and alone on the platform. The ability of the cart to fold down flat and remain that way, hinges upon one little plastic clip that holds the cart closed by latching onto a wire in the back and a wire on the front. However, this clip is not permanently attached to the cart...it can come off...it can get lost. Mine did. With the clip missing, my cart became unwieldy in the kitchen. I could not secure it flat and therefore it took up more space than usual and/or necessary. It was extremely irritating. Let's back up a couple of years, right before I lost my clip. Those were happy times... I was at the grocery store, cart full of groceries, and my clip was dangling (precariously) from the back wire. An elderly lady with a sharp eye standing behind me said. "Excuse me, if I were you, I would leave the clip at home. It is going to fall off and you'll be sorry." I just grinned and said thanks, but I never heeded her most wise words. What did I know, I had never lost my clip. But those words turned out to be prophetic for only a few weeks later, I returned home from the Laundromat to find that my clip was gone. Pilfered, perhaps, a victim of gravity, more likely. Whatever the cause, there was no way to replace it. I was fucked.
So now, my clip from heaven is a treasure. It has allowed me to fold my cart flat and store it in my kitchen next to the fridge where it belongs. It has made the world right again. And, it will stay home when I take the cart out of my apartment.
Thursday, October 24, 2002
Even though I consider myself a secular humanist...I am going to thank God in heaven (just in case there is one) that I am over this flu that I have had since Saturday. It was the most miserable experience. I missed two days of work (and of standing upright) because of it. It started with a headache, became an annoying gurgling in my stomach, and then exploded (literally) into a non-stop stomach flu...with all the wretching, being tied to the toilet, lack of energy and body aches that go with. Today, I could eat and it stayed in me! You don't know. So, fever is gone, annoying cramping in the back of my thighs is gone, headache is gone, hersey squirts are gone...THANK YOU JEEEEzzzUSSS!
Wednesday, October 23, 2002
I had a productive day of job hunting. Too bad my unemployment has run out or I would have gotten paid for it. So tomorrow morning, to reward myself and to make myself feel better and get out of this crappy (literally) mood, I am getting up early and getting my hair cut before work. It needs it desparately and it will make me feel better about myself. I am going to put my teeth whitening gel in now...Ginger Grant ain't got nuttin' on me...now all I want is my own sexy theme song to play whenever I walk into the room and Gilligan is there!
Tuesday, October 22, 2002
Okay, it's been a while. I guess I am overwhelmed. Indecisive. Unsure of myself. Afraid. Broke. And I don't want to blog about it. My life is getting really difficult. My folks offered that I could stay with them for a few months to get myself back on my feet. Sounds nice. But what would I do for work. I'd need a car up there. What about my friends. What about the life I have here. Do I just walk away from it and my friends and well...my life. Do I just walk away from my life? I knew this would happen when Bush stole the election. So, tomorrow is another day, keeping that chin up, but for how much longer can I pretend that I'm not feeling desparate? Could the three days of vomiting and diarrhea be nerves? I am an adult...but it doesn't feel that way.
Monday, October 14, 2002
I can't really explain my life right now. I guess I would call it frustrating. Sort of like when you wear boxers under loose shorts on a hot day and you are running around doing errands and your balls keep sticking to the inside of your thigh. You find yourself constantly reaching down there to pry them off. Actually, I guess I would consider that just irritating. My life is like that but then add bumping into the mother of a friend from high school outside the drugstore just when you were about to readjust your scrotum. You can't because she starts jabbering away about how great Johnnie's life is going and you aren't going to fondle yourself in front of a middle aged woman so you feign interest because you did like Johnnie and you don't want to seem impolite but really all you can think about is freeing your sack from your thigh...and she keeps talking and talking and talking...my life is that kind of frustrating.
Monday, October 07, 2002
So, I made it through the weekend without any alcohol. It wasn't that hard, but it was a conscious decision. I didn't realize how much of my drinking is just an automatic response.
This week I am experiencing what I like to call an emotional hangover. It's when something good that you have been looking forward to happens and is now over and it leaves you feeling a little down because you have nothing else to look forward to. Well, actually I have Scally's visit to look forward to but that would make anyone depressed wouldn't it...(just kidding David...I can't wait to see you). But last week I had an exciting opportunity to do some training for three days with someone I would love to be my mentor. It was fantastic! But it ended. On Thursday evening, Jack came into town for an overnight on his way to Virginia to get his vehicle to bring back to Illinois. It was so nice to take him to dinner, look at him, talk with him in person, and get to hold him through the night. It was also really romantic to get to leave him sleeping in my bed while I went to work. Unfortunately, he had to leave that morning so he wasn't there when I got back home in the evening. It lead to the emotional let down that preceded and precipitated the emotional hangover. Is it starting to make sense. I live for emotional attachment and professional excitement. Right now I feel rather isolated and in a very dull stage of my career. My friends have been fantastic! They have really put up with a lot of my moods lately and have really helped me to see things clearly and objectively (as well as cheering me up quite a bit). But there is nothing like falling asleep next to someone you care about and holding them tight all night to make you feel that even though you have problems, things will all work out. I just wish I could have that every night.
Saturday, October 05, 2002
Tonight is the true test...Saturday night...no alcohol shall pass thru my lips. I promise.
Tuesday, October 01, 2002
So far, not a single drop has passed through my lips today...it is only 10:50 AM.
Thanks for the words of support from Omar and Jimbo.
Also, I've added Dan to my sidebar. Check out his blog if you have the chance.