Back on track, boys!

Well, what's he look like?


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Goings on:
Summer School Ending
Vacation looming near!

On the Walkman:
Bargrooves - Frosted
Sarah McLachlan...all CDs in High rotation

Today's activities:
Starting back at the gym
Enjoying summer

This weekend's activities:
Seeing my beau
Hanging out then flying to NH for a brief vacation

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The Onion
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Useful Sites:
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blogchalk: Michael/Male/36-40. Lives in United States/New York/Hell

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Carpe Mañana
Wednesday, February 28, 2001
I've been trying to post for a few days and I keep getting a server error and have lost several rather long posts. It pissed me off enough to stay away for a few days. I'm in Virginia right now at a company conference. We (my department) are teaching our national employees on Siebel which is a Actvity Tracking Database. It is much more interesting than it sounds. We are in South Boston Virginia at an old plantation called Berry Hill. It has been turned into our National Executive Training Facility. It's in the middle of nowhere. At night it is very dark and very, very quiet. Too quiet. The crickets sound extremely loud against the backdrop of utter silence. Being from New York, it is hard to get used to. It scares me a little actually...dark and quiet with no one around. It is all very "The Shining". On the plus side, it is much warmer here than up north. About 65 F here opposed to 28 F at home. I haven't worn a jacket since I've gotten here. Spring is arriving here. It won't arrive in New York for at least 2 more months. I have been enjoying Dave Boyes posts from Austrailia. I think that he should work for the Austrailian board of Tourism as a spokesperson. I don't understand "scented" toilet paper. What does it smell like. I don't think we have that in the States. Not that I know of anyway. Who smells TP? You wipe your bottom with it. I'll write more later.


Friday, February 23, 2001
It's 5:41 EST and I'm still at work. I feel like Scrooge being left at school whilst all the other kids got to go home for Christmas. I have hours of work left. I'm thinking that perhaps I should just go home and come back in the morning when no one else is here. Then I can do all the stupid little things I need to do before I go to Berry Hill VA for the week. It is a business trip to nowhere. Oh well.

Just got a call from David, we had a date tonight. He cancelled. I'm bummed. Very. He has a lot to do tonight before he goes away for the weekend. It's okay. Oh well. But I'm cranky now. Very very cranky. I will be going drinking tonight.



Thursday, February 22, 2001
It is snowing outside, quite hard actually, as I write this. It's only 20 degrees (-6 C) so it isn't very pleasant. But there is something about snow in Manhattan. It makes you realize that even though this is a man made place, it is still controlled by nature. I'm going to go home tonight after teaching and just read my new David Sedaris book "Me Talk Pretty One Day" given to me by Ed for my birthday. Lovely gift!


So much to say, absolutely no time. I read all of the reviews of the British viewing of QAF US and I found it very interesting. I feel out of the loop though because I have seen neither series. I don't have Showtime. I guess I should make the effort and get some tapes or stop being so damn cheap and sign up for Showtime. (I also am the only person worldwide who has never seen a single episode of Sex in the City.) I do hear tell that AbFab is filming a new season. I will pay any amount to see that! Hopefully it will run on Comedy Central as did the original set of seasons. CC is included as part of basic cable so, in a sense, it is free. Just the way I like it. Oh...about the changing of the name Stuart to Brian...I heard that they did that because the name Stuart is too British. I guess that's true. Like Nigel.

Went to dinner and for drinks with Matt. Nice but not what I expected. I know we all have our own level of internalized homophobia (I feel mine is very low) however, he was much "queenier" than I like. By this I mean he is kind of "fussy", like an old lady in a way. I like 'em queer and masculine. But we did have a few laughs. He asked me in Polish (points) if he could kiss me - I said yes - and I have to admit he is a really good kisser. Got a little stirring in the nether regions so there must be some sort of attraction...or maybe I'm just a freakin' slut and any attention is enough to get the juices flowing. That's more like it. I ended up talking to him in German (which he doesn't understand but I think it kind of turned him on...) I agreed to see him again. Didn't invite him up to mine after the date though, still trying to remain true to my three date rule. In comparison to David (lunch date from Saturday)...well there is no comparison. David wins hands down. Is it a contest though? I think not. Poor Matt didn't even know that I was thinking "David's cuter" "David has a nicer smile" "David is more stylish without trying" etc...evil or what!?!? I need help. Oh, I'm already in therapy...

I joined New York Sports Club through work yesterday. They deduct right from my paycheck so I don't have to even think about it. I'm going to be working with a trainer so maybe I can finally whip myself into shape. Summer is coming after all.


Wednesday, February 21, 2001
Have a date tonight with a guy named Matt I met at "Date Bait" at the Gay and Lesbian Center. Details tomorrow.


Currently being used as fodder for corporate America. Unable to post anything. Try again later.


Tuesday, February 20, 2001
Just checked out Jonathan Green's home page with the home improvement photos. What a gorgeous kitchen!!! I can't wait until I save enough to buy my own place and do something as gorgeous as that. Great job!


What a fantastic weekend!!

Friday: I left work and it was absolutely pouring out! I haven't seen rain like that in a while. I had an umbrella but I still got soaking wet. Got all the way home and up the fabulous five flights of stairs and remembered that I had dry cleaning to pick up, so I walked back down into the rain and retrieved my clothes. I had made plans to have dinner and go to the Living Room to hear a folk singer by the name of Colleen Sexton with my friends Donna and Cam who had come down from New Haven Connecticut for the evening. I called Donna and we arranged to meet at a restaurant on the Lower East Side called 1492. I told Donna that I would take the subway because it would be impossible to find a cab in that weather. I headed to the restaurant around 6:45 and made it there right on time. Unfortunately, nobody else did. So I waited at the bar. Once again alcohol was the focal point of my life! With the rain still coming down in buckets, I had a feeling that my pals from out of town would have a hard time finding a cab. It turned out that was the case. I think all arrived about 8:15. The point of all this is that the restaurant was amazing. I had a little trepidation about eating in that neighborhood but it turned out to be a great tapas place. We had a great time. Off to the Living Room, Colleen Sexton was fantastic! I made friends with the woman next to me called Suzannah. Lovely girl. She was holding a seat for her friend Kelly and was feeling guilty about keeping other people from sitting there. I helped her get beyond that. I began to worry though when Kelly hadn't arrived by the time the singing started. Finally she came, much to my relief. Oh, and Suzannah's. Great people. From what I was told, we missed a great performance previous to Colleen. An interpretive tap dancing lass in a red dress. Not quite sure what happened, but it made an impression on Suzannah.
I left the bunch I was with when they decided to go somewhere else that cost $25 to get in. I avoid those places. I met up with my friend Ed from Boston at the Time Hotel just for a quick hello. I wasn't feeling well at that point, sore throat, exhausted from the week so I only stayed a moment to plan for Sat Eve. Went to bed by midnite.
Saturday: Got up relatively early to meet Donna and Cam for breakfast. Did that and had lots of laughs. They had to catch an early train back so we said our goodbyes and off I went in search of my white party ensemble. Walking home I saw some sneaks that I quite liked in the window of one of those athletic clothing bodegas. I went in, tried them on, and purchased them. Addidas - very light grey with flourescent orange accents! LOVE them! So comfy. Rushed home to shower and change for my lunch date with David! He called to let me know he was running a little late and could I meet him at 1:15. Figured I might wear the new sneakers only to discover they were both right feet!!! Nixed that idea. Washed up and changed. Got to V*nyl and David was already there. SO cute. Orange long sleeve v-neck shirt, nice olive drab nylon-ish pants and black prada-esque shoes. It was freezing outside but sunny and warm inside. We had a lovely lunch. Very comfortable talking to him. We went back to the W 40's (V*nyl is up by W54th) and decided to do a little shopping. Tried on clothes and laughed a bit. Then he invited me up to see his apartment. He has a great place! It was all very unique and well organized. Love that. Talked for a while and decided that we should go on a proper evening date soon. I had to leave because I was meeting Ed at 3:30 pm for clothes shopping (still no outfit). Reluctantly left but was glad I had such a nice time. Ran home, grabbed the sneaks to exchange for the left and right and went to Ed's hotel. Met up with Ed.
Went shopping and found some nice nylon multizippered pants that are very light beige, almost white. Since I'm not a virgin I figured I shouldn't really be wearing white anyway! Exchanged the shoes and then grabbed a cup of coffee. As we walked around, the temparature kept dropping and the wind kept picking up. Absolutely bitter cold. Still no shirt for the party! Ed suggested I wear one of his which I did. Dinner in the Village with Ed's friend Terry and then home for the disco nap from 10 pm to 2 am. Woke up. Made coffee, jumped in the shower and prettied myself up for the white party. Got dressed and then went to the hotel so Ed could get ready. We made it to the Party by 4:00 am. Side note, it was 14 degrees F ( -10 C) out at 3:59 am.
The White Party was actually a lot of fun. I took my vitamins to keep up with the crowd and it was worth it. Peter Rauhofer started. The highlight of his set was when he played the Delerium track "Silence" featuring Sarah McLaughlin! One of my favs. I had never heard this remix until that very day. My friend Kenneth had sent me a tape for my birthday and it was on it. Then later Susan Morabito came on (about 6 am). I have never been a fan but she did redeem herself with many of the songs she chose for the set. The one that shocked and thrilled me was my all time favorite "It's Not Over Yet" by Grace...formerly known by me as the "Todd Oldham Song" thanks to vitamin K. The verse is "It's not over, not over, not over, not over ... yet" I thought for about a year that it was "It's Todd Oldham, Todd Oldham, Todd Oldham, Todd Oldham Yeh." It was a really great remix and went on for quite sometime. The merriment continued for quite some time. But, being an old bitch, I left around 11 although the party continued until around 4 pm. The remainder of Sunday was spent listening to music at mine with Ed until about 6pm. Then sleeping until Monday. Made lots of friends there and I spent a lot of time with my friend Mark McDonough who was visiting from Boston. BUMPED into him right at the beginning of the evening and spent most of the time dancing and carousing with him and his friends...David, Michael, Robert, Paul etc. Really great bunch of boys.
Monday: Yesterday was all about cleaning and laundry. Met Ameet for a drink at View. Dead. So went to "g". Cute. Left and went to Barracuda. Fun. Stopped quickly into Rawhide. They were serving a buffet. Gross. Talked to David and decided to meet to watch late night tv at mine. Had a quick bite with Ameet at the Olympic Diner and met David to watch the telly. Friends reruns, Frasier and Star Trek Voyager. Got a goodnight kiss! and decided to go on a real date on Friday night. He wrote me into is date book in pen! SO exciting. I think I really like him.

Off to lunch.


Friday, February 16, 2001
I'm trying to work, it just doesn't seem humanly possible on a Friday before a long weekend (President's Day is Monday). I taught English last night to my new class of six students. They are high intermediate but I still ended up teaching simple present (You are stupid.), present progressive (You are being stupid), and present perfect (You have been stupid since birth.) for 3 hours last night. You'd think that they would be able to use present tense by now. Well they are there to learn, I just dread Pluperfect Subjunctive ( I would have liked to have gone.) ( I think that's I have to look it up.) So, to avoid drinking, I went straight home and turned on the TV. Will and Grace was okay, but the main event was ER. The more I watch that show, the more I love it. I turned in early and fell asleep. Only to be awoken by my buzzer. It turned out to be Alan and Nick who convinced me over the intercom to come for "one drink". Where did we go? All together...Barrage. Kind of weird crowd, but Alan bought me a birthday Cosmo, which was delicious. Ameet showed up unexpectedly with his friend/co-worker Chris. It was a pleasant surprise. We had a couple drinks and then left to go to Cleo's.
Cleo's went over like a lead balloon. We didn't even have a drink. It was a freaky crowd and Alan was screaming something about having a reputation to uphold. The place is truly the underbelly of gay New York. I admit it is nasty, but that's the beauty of it. Ameet was willing to stay but the other boys decided we should go. We proceeded up 9th Avenue to go to Scandal and bumped into Scott and his friend Rob (visiting from North Carolina). So the five of us went to Scandal, which was closed. That only left Chase on 55th and 8th. Lots of fun, another massive Cosmo, etc. (Side note to Nick...I was only kidding).

One more thing...I am green with envy that David Boyes is going to Oz on holiday...


Thursday, February 15, 2001
If you like twisted faggot humor, check out Be sure to check the grey letter sidebar stuff. It's priceless.


I've been thinking alot about Dan today. In case you don't know who Dan is, he is my ex. We were together for almost 8 years. We broke up last April. He is the reason I am in therapy (individual and group) and also the reason I think I will be single for the rest of my life. No more of that long term relationship bullcaca. I'm thinking about him for several reasons but I think because I just went through my birthday and Valentine's Day without him. I shouldn't really complain because he was always missing special occassions like my birthday but I guess it is just nice to have someone to give Valentine's gifts to. Or to take you to dinner for your birthday. I don't think about him much anymore, only when certain songs come on or if I have a long weekend of partying :), but today I have been thinking about him and I need to get it out of my system. Perhaps I will go to Barrage tonight as well.


I have no blogging toolbar!


Until you live on the fifth floor of a walk up, you can never know the way it controls your life. Things are done all at once to avoid several trips up and down the stairs. But this morning, in a rush, I forgot my work ID badge and didn't realize it until I hit the street. Back up I went, cursing all the way up but trying to be positive thinking, "It's good exercise." and "My legs will look great this summer." Bullshit.

An aside...buildings in New York with 5 floors or less do not need elevators. Buildings with a 6th floor must provide an elevator. That is why the 5th floor walk-up is so infamous. Aren't I lucky to live on the fifth floor of a five story building!


Tons of work to do today. So much I have to step back a minute and take stock. Should be a productive day though.

I called David (the boy I met on Tuesday night) and left a message. He called me back last night right as I was going to bed. We talked for a while and he seems really nice. We have a lunch date on Saturday at V*ynl (54th and 9th). I'm looking forward to it although it may bite into valuable white clothing shopping time. I'll just have to shop in the morning because I won't have any time until then. I don't even look good in white. Why did I agree to go to this party?!


Wednesday, February 14, 2001
5:00 pm and I am leaving work. I am utterly exhausted, yet there is no reason since I did absolutely nothing today. This woman I work with has taken to doing work that should be my responsibilty because "It's easier that way". That will change.

Teaching English tonight. I feel bad for my students because I am in a horrible mood. I'm looking out the window right now and it is still light but completely overcast so it is murky. Maybe that explains my lethargy today. New York Greyness can be depressing. Fortunately it usually doesn't last that long. I've been reading David Boyes' dream descriptions on (I still can't create hyperlinks...ARRRGGHH!) and I find them interesting for a couple of reasons. 1. They are so vivid. It is hard for me to remember my dreams, although I think I dream every night. 2. They have a lot of hidden meaning. But I'll be damned if I know what they mean.

I need food. I had a huge lunch but now I feel that I need a nice healthy snack. Apple? Orange? Banana? Milky Way Bar! We shall see. Maybe just a quick stop at Starbucks for a $17.00 cup of coffee.


Yesterday afternoon I decided to leave work on time for a change and hit the stores to find something to wear to the White Party. I don't think I'm going to do the nurse thing. Too much fuss for a room full of drugged up, sweaty boys. ANYWAY, left work right at 5:00 and was startled (but pleasantly surprised) to see that it was still light out, the sun had not yet set! Since I usually leave after 6:00, I had no idea that the days had been getting longer. Well, I knew but hadn't really noticed. Can spring be very far? Can't wait for this cold weather to end. Winter seems to just go on and on...

So I went straight home and changed into jeans and some warmer clothes and headed out to the Village to see if I couldn't find an outfit for my fat ass. Walked to the 1/9 train to head downtown and encountered a really stunning man on the platform of the train. We cruised each other pretty hard but I decided not to talk. I was on a fashion mission and couldn't afford the distraction. He got onto the same subway car as I did so glances continued to be thrown but upon it I acted not. Got off at Christopher Street and spent the next 2 hours looking in vain for white clothing. I did find a pair of painters pants and a clingy white v-neck, but the pants were too short and the clingy thingy made my stomach look HUGE! So, I am still without a party dress for Saturday.

Depressed, I ended up at a dive I love called Cleo's 9th Avenue Saloon (back up in my neighborhood) and proceeded to drink myself silly. They are closing for good at the end of the week so that was my excuse. It is such a dive and the clientele is soooo unique that I hate to see it go. It's just a block from my house, what a loss. As I drank, I chatted with a few guys and watched this group of fashionistas Kereoke to a string of ABBA tunes. Laugh Riot! The entire bar was howling and really into it. I left at the height of the performance and went back to Barrage, 4th time this week, and it's only Tuesday. I was pleasantly surprised to find that it was absolutely packed. Got a beer and found a spot and decided to stay a while. This guy came over and started talking and we really hit it off. Nice jewish boy named David. I think we are going to go to dinner on Friday. WOW, a real date. I went home by myself because I've instituted the three date rule again. No sex until the third date. If I'm bored of them by then, I'm better off. If I'm still interested, the sex will be great. Just an idea.

Woke up an hour late this morning to discover that I had no hot water or heat in my apartment. Tracked down the super and got that all sorted out. Arrived at work just in time for lunch! Oh well. To top it off, it is the first Valentine's Day since 1993 that I haven't been with Dan. I didn't think it would bother me but it is. We made a big deal about the holiday so it feels a little empty today... well, there's my excuse to go back to Barrage!


Tuesday, February 13, 2001
By the way...

I'm finding I can't figure out how to use the site very well. Feeling technologically inadequate. Shoot me now. Hyperlinks are baffling me. Lost and alone. Boo hoo.

OH... Met and shook the hand of Jim J Bullock last night after the play. He played "Monroe" in everybody's favorite mid-eighties TV Sitcom, "Too Close for Comfort". Didn't bother to ask for an autograph, is that wrong?


Thanks to my friend David Boyes, I have discovered the world of blogging. His posts have provided me with hours (well okay, minutes) of entertainment. Believe me, in entertainment-starved New York, this is a God-send.

Yesterday being my 35th birthday, I figure maybe it's time to keep track of it all. I'm not very good at keeping up with things, so we'll see. Had a little soiree at a new, semi-sterile bar called Barrage on Saturday night to celebrate the fact that I am skidding toward the grave at an accelerating rate. Actually had lots of fun. Didn't buy a single drink for myself all night but still managed to get so obliterated that I almost couldn't make the climb up the stairs to my apartment. A successful evening by all accounts. Went to a play last night, "End of the World Party" about boys on Fire Island. Provoked some great memories! Ended up back at Barrage for drinks (on a Monday, jeez) and feeling slightly furry in the mouth today. White Party is this weekend and with Monday being a holiday (President's Day) I am afraid of what I might allow myself to do!!! Thinking of either wearing white track pants, a tank top and baseball cap or doing nurse drag...must decide by Friday. I think if I do the nurse drag I have to have faux mentruation leakage to make use of the white dress and hose. Might be hilarious or too revolting for words. What to do, what to do.


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