Monday, September 25, 2006
So much time has passed since I have thought about this blog. I spent some time re-reading my old posts and it was almost like I was reading about a different person. So many of the characters that were a part of my daily life aren't anymore. That makes me sad. I miss those folks. I also miss the city I used to live in. I have moved. Over a year ago now, to Delaware. I know, I know but there are reasons and it has been good. But boy, my life is different. I am sure that no one who used to read this is still with me, but if you are, Hi! I hope you things are well with you.
Wednesday, September 08, 2004
Okay, so it is September and I have only posted maybe four times this year. Not very good. Well, there was a time that I needed to blog every day because it was an outlet for writing. Since I am in grad school, the joy of writing has somewhat lost its luster. I figure once I am out (next May) I might actually enjoy writing again.
I just returned from a three week vacation that has left me, happy, relaxed, and at least 10 pounds heavier. I feel heavy for the first time in about three years. I spent a week at the beach in a house that I rented and I feel really proud that I could do that since two years ago my life and career were on the rocks. I feel like I am back on my feet, finally. Having spent most of the time at the beach with my boyfriend, I feel like I had a chance to spend time with him in a way that we normally can't (he lives in different city). We are thinking of moving closer to each other but our demands preclude that for now. Hopefully it will work out.
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
It's been a while since I have had any free time to update this thing. I just finished my third (and most grueling) semester of graduate school and I am happy to report that I have straight A's - so far. I'm working on my MEd - Special Education. It is outrageous the amount of work that you need to do in grad school all while working full time on a teacher's salary.
I had a couple of years of doing close to nothing because of layoffs and whatnot so this is just my catchup. So far so good. Let's see if I can post some interesting things over the next few weeks until the whole freekin' thing starts over again.
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
I don't blog that much anymore. I don't know why. I should...
Anyway, tonight I realized something. That something is that no matter what I think, it doesn't fucking matter. I also realized that as a gay man, there is one small phrase that changes everything. EVERYTHING.
There are people in this world who are cool, and trendy, and with-it and fab but then you say one little phrase to them and they say..."Oh?"
There are people who smile and laugh and include you in their lives and you say this one little phrase and the laughter disappears and the smile fades and the calls stop.
There are people in this world who hear this phrase and look like they are about to vomit.
There are people who don't want to react because they are educated and enlightened but despite themselves they react when you tell them.
And every time, whether you feel safe or not, even when you think it will be a non-issue...
when you tell someone you are gay, everything changes. EVERYTHING.
It happened tonight and once again I feel like I put myself out there and let someone know who I am because I like and trust them and I get THAT reaction of "Oh?" I hate it. I hate it. It hurts. It makes me feel less than. But you know what? I am not "less than". I wake up. I feel tired. I feel happy. I cry. I love. I want. I need. I can be devoted and committed and dedicated. I can be your best friend and I can be your worst enemy. I am human. Just because I am gay. Just because I TELL you that I am gay... I let you in, I share with you...I let you know I feel safe...doesn't mean that you can reject me and show me that you feel that I am less than and that you will have to "digest this information". FUCK YOU. I don't have to "digest" the fact that you are a heterosexual. I don't have to "think" about your "orientation" or "lifestyle". I am soooo sick of coming out...I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.